


What do you want, Alec?

by orphan_account



Category: Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Pre-Canon, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Bottom Jace, Confessions, Crying, Hand Jobs, M/M, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-02
Updated: 2016-04-02
Packaged: 2018-05-30 09:42:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6418669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Concept: Jace is really into Alec and Alec has no idea how to deal with it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What do you want, Alec?

**Author's Note:**

> I'd recommend reading my other fic, ["Litany,"](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6409438) before or after reading this, just because it has more Alec character study elements. Mind the warnings, though!

Jace kissed Alec for the first time after a mission. 

They both had demon blood on their clothes. They returned their weapons to the weapons locker and then headed back to their bedrooms to shower and change. 

It was nighttime and the Institute was quiet. Their mission had been a routine trip to kill demons, so Isabelle hadn’t even come along, and she was probably already asleep. The hallways were empty save for Alec and Jace as they navigated the labyrinthine way back to their rooms. 

“Hey, Alec,” Jace had said, and stopped in the middle of the hallway. 

“Yeah?” Alec paused as well, and turned to face his parabatai. Jace closed the gap between them and kissed Alec. 

Alec jumped back and looked around the hallway. 

“What the fuck?” he blurted. “Why did you just do that?” Alec asked. His voice came out sounding offended, but really he was just startled. 

Jace looked around the hallway as well, then grabbed Alec’s wrist and pulled him into the nearest bedroom, which happened to be Alec’s own. Jace closed the door and leaned against it.

“What do you mean? Did you not want me to kiss you?” Jace asked. 

“What? No. I did want you to kiss me. I’m just not sure why you did that.” Of course Alec wanted Jace to kiss him. He had been fantasizing about it for years, but he had resigned himself that it was never going to happen.

“It’s because I wanted to kiss you,” Jace said, as if it were the most obvious fact in the world. Alec wasn’t understanding. For years he had pined after Jace: it had never crossed his mind that Jace might feel the same way about him. 

“Okay, but why now?” Alec was then trying to convince himself that Jace had never really kissed him, because it seemed so unlikely that that could possibly be the case.

“I don’t know, Alec, why do you have to ask so many questions?” Jace retorted. He didn’t really look bothered; it just seemed like he was trying his best to humor Alec. 

“I’m sorry,” Alec said. He didn’t know what else to say. 

“No, it’s fine. Don’t apologize.” Jace’s voice went soft. He made his way towards Alec and stood close in front of him. “Listen, I just...we’re shadowhunters, Alec. Being on this mission reminded me that we might not live that long. That demon was so close to really slashing you up, and I realized that I really don’t want one of us to die without us at least talking about this.”

“This?” Alec asked. God, all the times he had dreamed there might be a this between the two of them. 

“Yeah. This. Us. Alec, I know, okay. I know that you’re into me. I’m your parabatai, I’m supposed to know,” Jace said. He looked up and tried to meet Alec’s gaze, but Alec looked away. “Are you trying to tell me you’re not?” 

Alec pressed his palms over his eyes. This was not how he had imagined this happening. This was all too real. He lowered his hands and looked at Jace. Jace had that defiant, confident look on his face, the one he wore when he was winning an argument. 

“I’m not. I mean, I’m not saying I’m not into you. I am into you,” he confessed. I’m in love with you, he thought, but he wasn’t going to say that. Not yet. 

“Then what’s the problem?” Jace asked. 

“There...isn’t one,” Alec replied quietly. He had almost succeeded in convincing himself that Jace hadn’t kissed him when Jace grabbed the collar of his tee shirt and pulled him in for another kiss. This time, Alec was more prepared, and he opened his mouth against Jace’s. They stood there in the middle of Alec’s room, kissing, for a moment, before Jace stepped back. 

He punched Alec playfully in the arm. “Now go shower, you smell like demon asshole,” he said. With that, he turned and left Alec’s room, leaving Alec standing there wondering if he was dreaming.

  


***

  


Alec still couldn’t believe it, but a week later the two of them were together in Jace’s bed. Making out. _In Jace’s bed._ Alec was trying very hard to think of anything besides Jace’s mouth as Jace messily kissed and nipped at his neck. Jace seemed intent on sucking on one particular spot before Alec nudged at his shoulder and he drew back.

“No marks, remember?” Alec said. Jace rolled his eyes. 

“You’re right,” he huffed. “You’d look great with hickies, though.”

Alec blushed, and Jace apparently took it as a sign to tease him further. 

“They don’t have to be on your neck,” Jace said. “I could leave them here”--he touched Alec’s collarbone through his shirt--”or here”--his hand roved to Alec’s stomach--”or what about here?” He asked, and ran his fingers along the inside of Alec’s thigh.

“Jace, no,” Alec warned. Jace immediately moved his hand away. 

“What’s wrong?” He asked. 

Nothing was wrong, really. Alec didn’t want to take it slow: he had been waiting for this for years. He wanted nothing more than to allow Jace to leave hickies on his thighs and his stomach and anywhere else he might want to. Alec wanted Jace to do whatever he wanted to him. It was just that Alec couldn’t believe that Jace might want to do anything with him. 

“I don’t want you to do something you’ll regret,” Alec admitted. He could have told Jace that he wanted to take it slow, but he didn’t want to lie to his parabatai. 

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Jace asked. He furrowed his brow and looked at Alec like he was saying absolute nonsense. 

“Jace, I don’t know, I just don’t think it’s a good idea for us to do anything like that yet,” Alec said. 

Jace shrugged. “Whatever you want,” he said. 

  


***

  


Nothing really changed in Jace and Alec’s relationship besides the fact that they stole kisses whenever they could. Or, Jace stole kisses whenever he could, and Alec allowed him to do so if they were in a suitably private environment. By the time a few weeks had passed after their first kiss, however, Alec had grown less skittish when it came to kissing Jace. As long as they were behind the locked door of one of their bedrooms, Alec could almost relax into Jace’s touch.

Alec wanted to push it further, of course. He had been fantasizing about kissing Jace for years. But he made the decision that he wasn’t going to try to make any moves on Jace. He was going to wait for Jace to come to him, because that gave Jace plenty of time to change his mind before he did something that he was going to regret--and Alec was just waiting for him to change his mind. Alec was always anticipating that one day Jace would refuse to kiss him, and he’d pretend that nothing had ever happened between them, and they’d both have to move on with their lives. 

But Jace didn’t refuse to kiss him. And one day, about four weeks into a relationship that was completely unchanged from how they had been before save for their secret kisses, Jace did come to Alec. 

Alec was in his bedroom, about to make his way to Jace’s room, when Jace walked in, pushed Alec up against the wall, and kissed him. Alec was surprised but he didn’t want Jace to stop his fierce, hungry kissing. Jace’s hands were moving over his body and then Jace’s hand dipped between Alec’s legs and found his cock through the fabric of his pants.

“Wait,” Alec gasped, and Jace jerked his hand away and stepped back. 

“Oh god, I’m sorry,” Jace said. 

“No, it’s fine, it’s just--do you really want to do that?” Alec asked. 

“What? Of course, Alec. I want to do more than just kiss, you know?” Jace said. 

“Are you sure?” Alec asked. He thought of Jace’s reputation: if anyone were to find out about the two of them, they would be outcasts within shadowhunter society. Alec was willing to accept that he might, someday, be an outcast, but he didn’t want Jace, one of the strongest shadowhunter warriors, to risk that fate. Jace just had too much to lose. 

“Alec, I know that you don’t believe that I’m into you. But I am, okay? I really am,” Jace’s voice grew quiet on the last few words. He stepped up towards Alec and put his hand on Alec’s waist to draw Alec closer. 

“I just…I want to make sure that you’re not just doing this for me. To be nice, or something,” Alec said. He couldn’t look at Jace.

“I don’t lie to you, Alec, so believe me when I say that this isn’t for you. This is because I want to.” Before Alec could say anything, Jace put his hand on the back of Alec’s head and drew him down for a kiss. 

Alec and Jace had kissed plenty of times before, but Alec hadn’t grown accustomed to the incendiary nature of Jace’s embrace. He kissed back, carefully, making sure that Jace had the chance to pull back if he wanted to.

Jace did pull back, but instead of walking away like Alec feared he pulled off his shirt and let it fall to the floor.Alec flushed: he had seen Jace shirtless plenty of times, but Jace had never stripped off his clothes f _or Alec._ Jace caught Alec’s wrists and guided them to his chest. 

“It’s okay,” Jace whispered. “You can touch me.” 

Alec did, slowly. He traced Jace’s rough rune scars with his fingertips. They were all familiar; he had seen them countless times and he had even drawn some of them on Jace, but he had never felt them like this. He touched reverently, he touched like he was trying to commit them all to memory, just in case Jace never let him do this again. 

Jace was all hard muscle under soft skin. His chest was hairless, but on his belly a trail of blond hair led down into his pants. Alec’s heartbeat accelerated as he moved his hands slowly downward onto Jace’s stomach until he could feel the soft wisps of hair under his fingers. He stopped, then, afraid that Jace might change his mind. 

“It’s okay,” Jace repeated. Alec imagined that next he might unbutton Jace’s jeans and drop to his knees right there against the wall of the bedroom, but instead Jace took Alec’s hand and lead him to Alec’s bed. 

Jace positioned himself with his head on a pillow and slowly guided Alec over him. Alec arranged one leg in between Jace’s and the other outside his legs, careful not to put too much weight onto Jace.

Alec’s brain was already short-circuiting by the time he looked down and saw Jace beneath him. He had imagined this scenario nearly every night for years but he had never thought it would actually happen. Now, Jace was shirtless and watching Alec with wide eyes, lips slightly parted, looking like he was waiting for Alec to make a move. But Alec couldn’t; he just remained there with his elbows on either side of Jace’s head to hold him up. 

Jace’s expression fell to something more concerned. “Do you...want this? We can stop if you want to stop,” Jace said. 

“No no, I...I want to. I want to do this,” Alec babbled. He was tripping over his words in his desperation. He could have said something more: _God, I have always wanted this, I want this more than I have ever wanted anything,_ but he couldn’t make himself say the words. 

“Good, because I want it, too. I want _you,_ ” Jace said. Just that simple statement made Alec shiver. 

Jace must have noticed Alec’s physical reaction, because he smirked and took Alec’s face in his hands. Jace was never one to do anything halfway, so rather than ease into it he pressed his lips hard against Alec’s and kissed him deeply. Alec let himself relax onto Jace’s body and reveled in the feeling of Jace’s mouth on his and the warmth of Jace beneath him. 

They kissed for a long time. Jace’s hands roved down Alec’s body. He reached under Alec’s shirt and felt his back, and, much to Alec’s surprise, he grabbed Alec’s ass. His hands moved quickly and his touch was intent and desirous, but Alec didn’t know what to do. He wanted this, but he was afraid of stepping over a line. 

Heat was building in Alec’s body. He tried to angle his hips so Jace couldn’t feel his growing erection, but when he did Jace just pressed his thigh between Alec’s legs and took hold of Alec’s hips. 

Jace broke the kiss and when Alec opened his eyes he could see Jace smiling at him. Jace’s lips were red from kissing and his pupils were wide, but he wore his usual grin like he was very pleased with himself. Jace reached a hand between them and gently touched Alec’s cock through his pants. It was hardly any contact, but Alec choked on a gasp. 

Jace shifted so his lips were beside Alec’s ear. “What do you want, Alec? It’s okay, you can tell me,” he murmured. 

Fantasies flashed through Alec’s mind. He thought of all the times he had imagined being inside Jace, or having Jace take him in his mouth, and he felt like he couldn’t ask Jace to do any of those things. Alec wanted plenty of things; it was just a problem of what he would admit to wanting.

“I don’t know,” Alec stuttered out. “What do you want?” 

“I want you to come on me,” Jace said. It was absolutely filthy; it was exactly the kind of thing Alec had imagined Jace saying when he jerked himself off at night, and the thought of it made Alec have to suppress a groan. 

“Alec? Is that okay?” Jace asked when Alec didn’t respond.

“Fuck, yes,” Alec blurted. He sat back on his heels and stripped off his shirt, then worked his jeans off of his legs. He held back a sigh when he freed himself from the confining fabric. 

Alec looked down at Jace and saw that his eyes were fixed on Alec’s hard cock. Alec didn’t think he could blush any deeper, but he could feel his chest and neck heating up under Jace’s gaze. 

“I changed my mind,” Jace said, and Alec’s stomach dropped. He almost reached for his boxers again when Jace continued. “I want to suck you off.” 

Alec’s cock twitched at the thought of it. He couldn’t manage words, so he just nodded and let Jace push him down onto the mattress. Jace came to rest between Alec’s legs and, without warning, grasped Alec’s cock and took it as far into his mouth as he could. 

Alec’s hips jerked involuntarily. Of course that was the way Jace would go about doing it, but Alec wasn’t complaining. He was still recovering from the shock of suddenly entering the warm wetness of Jace’s mouth when Jace pulled off most of the way, leaving the head in between his lips, and began to lave at Alec’s slit with his tongue. 

Alec let out a stuttering moan as Jace pliantly took him deep again. Jace’s hand stroked what he couldn’t fit in his mouth, but, probably by sheer force of determination, he took in most of Alec’s cock. Jace was sloppy and inexperienced, but Alec hadn’t felt anything as good as this in his whole life. Alec had grown accustomed to not letting himself enjoy anything: he was always putting others’ needs, and his own reputation, ahead of his desires. Now, as Jace enthusiastically sucked his cock, he let himself get lost in the sensation and the thought that yes, it was Jace doing this to him--Jace, who he loved more than anyone in the world. 

The emotion was too much, and Alec felt tears leaking from the corners of his eyes. They flowed down his temples and wetted his hair. 

Alec let himself moan. “Jace,” he murmured. Jace looked up at him and their eyes locked. 

“Jace, I--I’m going to--” Alec whimpered. He expected Jace to pull off so he didn’t finish in his mouth, but instead Jace just slowly blinked at Alec as if to say, yes, it’s okay. In another moment, Alec was coming into Jace’s mouth. Alec could feel Jace swallowing around him as his orgasm shook through his body. 

Jace finally pulled off, and when he did Alec was left sprawled on the bed, breathing hard. Jace wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and came to lay beside Alec. When he noticed the tears at the corners of Alec’s eyes, he wiped them away with his thumb. 

“Jace,” Alec whispered again. “Thank you.”

“Did you just say ‘thank you?’ Man, you don’t have to thank me,” Jace said with a laugh. “I want this just as much as you do.” 

“Well, I just…” Alec petered off. He wanted to thank Jace again: not for the blow job, just for being the greatest friend in the world and the greatest parabatai anyone could ask for. He wanted to thank Jace for choosing him, Alec, of all the people he could have chosen. 

“Don’t worry about it,” Jace took Alec’s wrist and Alec let Jace guide his hand down to the front of Jace’s jeans. “Like I said....I want this just as much as you,” he repeated. 

Alec felt where Jace had directed his hand. He could feel the outline of Jace’s cock through the fabric, and Jace’s breath caught as Alec applied pressure. 

“What do you want, Alec?” Jace asked again.

Alec took a deep breath and shifted so he was on top of Jace again, sitting back with his weight on his knees. “I want to touch you,” he said. Jace nodded, and Alec slowly unbuttoned and unzipped Jace’s jeans. He paused for a moment, and when he heard no protest from Jace he carefully pulled them down. Jace lifted his hips off the mattress and Alec pulled his jeans all the way off. 

Jace’s cock was straining at the front of his boxer briefs. Alec traced the outline of it with his finger and could feel the warm skin through the cloth. Jace bucked his hips up just slightly in an attempt to find friction. Instead, Alec slipped his fingertips under the waistband of Jace’s underwear and looked at Jace. 

“Please,” Jace murmured. 

Alec hastily pulled off Jace’s boxers and his cock came free of the fabric. Jace was naked, then, and absolutely beautiful. Alec had never seen him look so gorgeous. 

Alec straddled Jace’s hips and reached down to touch him. Jace immediately lifted his hips in desperation and moaned loudly when Alec closed his hand around his cock. 

“What do you want?” Jace panted. 

“I want to make you come,” Alec choked out. 

“Then do it,” Jace said. There was obvious strain in his voice and his hands were shaking when he reached for Alec’s shoulders. 

Alec began stroking him and Jace immediately dug his fingernails into Alec’s shoulders, probably hard enough to leave marks. Within seconds Jace was breathing heavily and his entire body was shaking. He closed his eyes and tipped back his head and kept his mouth open as he alternated panting and moaning. It was the most spectacular sight Alec had ever seen, and the thought that Jace was feeling this way because of _Alec himself_ made Alec flush again. Alec wondered how he could possibly be this lucky. 

“Alec, yes,” Jace groaned, and Alec thought that he had never liked anyone saying his name as much as he liked Jace saying it then. But then Jace began breathing Alec’s name over and over in the most desperate tone of voice and Alec thought he was going to fall apart all over again. 

Jace gasped Alec’s name one last time as his back arched and he came over Alec’s hand. Alec slowly stroked him through the last tremors of his orgasm until Jace lay still on the bed. After a moment, Jace opened his eyes and looked up at Alec. The red in his cheeks was fading and he looked completely tired out. 

Alec forced himself to look away from Jace and scrambled off the bed. He busied himself with cleaning off his hand with a tissue and then throwing it away, and only then did he return to the bed. He didn’t move to get back on it, though, he just rooted through the pile of clothes at the foot of the bed and pulled on his boxers. 

“Alec? Are you all right?” Jace asked. He had made himself comfortable in the pillows and was lounging on the bed with a contented look on his face. 

Alec didn’t say that he was afraid to look back at Jace, afraid to say a word, in case he accidentally made Jace never want to do this again. 

“Yeah, I’m fine, I’m just...well, you can’t sleep here,” he said, always the practical one.

“You’re kicking me out already? We’re not even going to cuddle? Are you serious, man?” Jace exclaimed, and Alec finally looked at Jace. He was feigning annoyance; his broad smile gave away that he thought whatever was going on in Alec’s head was ridiculous. 

Alec looked at him for a moment longer. God, Jace did look good naked in Alec’s bed, and Alec wanted nothing more than to wrap him in his arms and stay that way for as long as possible. So he did. He climbed on the bed and held Jace tight to his chest, and they stayed that way for a long, long time. 

  


***

  


The next morning, Alec leaned against the kitchen counter and ate scrambled eggs while standing up. He felt very content, which was a foreign feeling reserved for very rare occasions. In fact, he couldn’t stop smiling, and he smiled brightly at Isabelle when she padded into the kitchen looking upset to be awake. 

Isabelle held up a finger to tell Alec not to speak to her yet, but he knew very well that she didn’t like to hear any words before she had a mug full of hot coffee in her hands. So Alec remained silent while Isabelle made herself a pot of strong coffee in the French press. She poured a mug for herself and one for Alec, which she set on the counter beside him, and then held her coffee reverently in front of her face. 

“Congratulations,” Isabelle said.

“Hm?” Alec asked. He finished off his eggs and took the plate to the dishwasher. 

“Well, you and Jace weren’t exactly quiet last night,” she said, and Alec nearly dropped his plate. He managed to recover, though, and calmly put his plate in the dishwasher, closed the door, and then stood up.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Alec tried. He attempted to be as casual as possible as he went back to leaning against the counter and took a sip from his coffee. 

“Alec, it’s okay. I was the only one in that wing of the house last night. And really, I am so happy for you.” 

Alec took a deep breath. “Isabelle, you know you can’t tell anyone.” 

Isabelle looked offended. “You know I never would. I want you two to be happy, and I don’t want to cause any more drama.” She rolled her eyes. Isabelle was right--there was always so much damn drama around shadowhunter society.

“Thank you,” he said.

“Of course! Now, you have to tell me what happened. Who kissed who first? God, Alec, this is the best news I’ve heard in a long time. I am so excited,” Isabelle gushed. She took a long drink from her coffee and watched Alec from over the rim of the mug.

“Well, Jace--”

“I heard my name?” Jace said as he walked into the kitchen. Isabelle’s face broke into a wild grin. She set her mug on the counter and went to pull Jace into a hug. 

“I am so happy for you two. I’ve been waiting for this to happen for ages,” she said as she held Jace at arms length. 

“Thanks, Izzy,” he said sheepishly. He sent a look towards Alec and Alec glanced away. The previous night, they had spent nearly two hours half-naked in Alec’s bed, just talking, until Jace started to drift off and Alec had to send him back to his room. Alec shouldn’t have been embarrassed, or at least the embarrassment should have worn off, but he couldn’t help it. 

“Well,” Isabelle began, turning away from Jace. She picked up her coffee mug and made for the door. “You’ll tell me the details later, Alec. For now I’ll leave you two alone.” With that, Isabelle hurried into the hallway. 

“Hey,” Alec said. He distracted himself with his coffee and refused to look at Jace. He was afraid that if he did the images of Jace from last night would come back to him: Jace underneath him, Jace panting and moaning, Jace as he came. Well, it seemed like not looking at Jace wasn’t really a solution, because the images flooded his mind regardless and he felt his face heat up. 

“Don’t be weird, Alec,” Jace reprimanded. He stepped up in front of Alec and plucked the coffee mug from Alec’s hand, then took a long drink. 

“I’m not being weird.” Jace handed back the mug and turned around to start rooting around in the fridge for some breakfast. 

“Ugh, can we not do this?” Jace stood up and kicked the refrigerator closed. He crossed his arms and looked at Alec. Alec finally met his gaze. 

“Do what?” Alec asked. 

“I don’t want things to be weird just because we’ve had sex now. Because, and you might not believe this, I want to do it again.”

“With me?” 

“What...the fuck, Alec, yes, I mean _with you._ ” 

“Well, I just wanted to clarify.” 

“Holy shit,” Jace mumbled. “Alec, you’re my best friend, and you’re so smart, but you are sometimes really--” he took a second to decide on a word-- “stupid,” he finished. 

Alec shrugged. Jace had a point.

“So, when do you want to do it again?” Alec ventured. It wasn’t meant to be an invitation, he was really just wanting to know if Jace meant that they’d have sex regularly or, like, once a month. 

“Right now,” Jace said. 

“What?” 

“If you’re up for it. We’ve got hours before training.” Jace looked incredibly nonchalant. 

“Yes. Though I’ll need to brush my teeth first,” Alec told him. 

  


***

  


It was a bright day out: the sun had finally broken through the clouds of New York springtime and Jace was lounging in a rectangle of sunlight that poured onto Alec’s bed from the open window. Alec sat beside him in the bed, trying to read a book while Jace talked to him about one thing or another, nothing particularly of consequence. It was the kind of lazy Sunday afternoon when the Institute was quiet, and Isabelle was out shopping, and Jace and Alec could spend some time pretending that they weren’t shadowhunters and didn’t have responsibilities to face the next day. 

It had been several weeks since Jace and Alec had first had sex, and they had passed in a honeymoon-like whirlwind of nighttime trysts and increasingly indiscreet kisses. Alec was absolutely buoyant with happiness: he was still aware, in the back of his mind, that Jace could call this off at any time, but he also couldn’t help but get caught in the reckless joy of the first months of their relationship. He didn’t bother wishing that it didn’t have to be kept a secret: he just enjoyed what they had together, whatever it could be called. They weren’t boyfriends; they were just best friends with benefits, basically. 

At that moment, Jace was laying in Alec’s bed in his boxers and an undershirt. The light from the window turned his skin gold and gleamed off his blond hair. 

“Alec, you’re staring. Are you listening?” Jace asked, and Alec blinked out of his reverie.

“What?” Alec replied.

“I was just going to say, have you ever thought about fucking me?” 

Alec choked on his spit. “Um, what? Isn’t that what we’ve been doing?” 

“No, I mean, like, _fucking me_ fucking me,” Jace clarified. Alec had known what he meant, he just wasn’t sure if he was ready to have this conversation yet. Sure, they had done everything besides that, but stepping over that line might...change things. 

“I’ve thought about it,” Alec admitted. In fact, he had thought about it many times, usually when he was jerking off. 

“Well, do you want to?” Jace asked. He was looking directly at Alec, so Alec looked away. By that point, Alec should have gotten over fearing that Jace wasn’t interested in him, but the concern still lingered--he just didn’t want to take this step with Jace and have Jace hate him for it later. Alec would feel awful if he himself made Jace’s first time disappointing or uncomfortable.

“I don’t know,” Alec said, which wasn’t exactly true. He wanted it so much that he could feel the longing in his stomach. 

“If you’re worried about whether or not I want to do it, I do. I think it’d be great for my first time to be with you. You’re my parabatai, Alec. I trust you more than anyone else,” Jace explained. He looked completely shameless, in contrast to Alec, who could feel himself blushing. Alec didn’t know how Jace could be so nonchalant when it came to these things. 

“I do want to,” Alec said. “I just--”

“Don’t want me to regret it?” Jace finished. Alec nodded. “You know, someday you’re

going to have to believe that I really do want you.” 

Alec leaned down to kiss Jace. “Say that again,” he murmured. He could feel Jace smile against his mouth.

“I want you,” Jace whispered. They kissed again, and then Jace leaned back and grabbed the book from Alec’s lap. He tossed it away onto the floor. Alec was about to exclaim that it was a rare, antique book, but he decided he didn’t care once Jace pulled him down into another kiss. The library had plenty of rare books; there was only one Jace. 

“So are we doing this now?” Jace asked. That hadn’t been Alec’s intention, but the thought of fucking Jace was exhilarating, and he wasn’t about to pass up the opportunity.

“Yes,” Alec said definitively. 

“Fuck yeah,” Jace said, and then pulled Alec on top of him, straddling Jace’s hips. Jace promptly tugged at the collar of Alec’s shirt and then began to undo the top button. “So why don’t you tell me what you _think about._ ” 

Alec took a deep breath. Jace loved dirty talk; Alec hadn’t really gotten the hang of it yet. 

“I think about…” Alec began, but he let his voice peter off. 

“Come on, Alec, tell me,” Jace said. He undid another button. 

“I think about being inside of you,” Alec whispered. Jace squirmed beneath him, but then returned his attention to unbuttoning another button. He trailed his fingers over Alec’s chest as he revealed it. 

“With your fingers or with your cock?” Jace asked. 

Alec exhaled shakily. “With my fingers first, and then my cock,” he said. Jace groaned quietly. As much as Alec struggled with dirty talk, he loved seeing--and hearing--Jace’s reactions every time he said something filthy. Jace undid another button.

“Do you jerk off thinking of anyone else but me?” Jace asked.

“Never,” Alec replied truthfully. None of his fantasies in recent memory had starred anyone besides Jace. Another button.

“When I jerk off I like to think about you coming inside me,” Jace said. 

“Fuck,” Alec hissed, and Jace smirked. Alec could feel his cock hardening at the thought. 

Jace undid the last button on Alec’s shirt and tried to push it off Alec’s shoulders. Alec leaned back on his heels and shrugged off his shirt. Jace sat up to meet him, and then started fumbling with the button of Alec’s jeans. Alec helped him undo it and then pulled them off. 

Jace touched Alec’s hardening cock through his boxers. 

“Take these off, too,” he said, and Alec quickly complied. Jace took the chance to strip off his own clothes. 

Jace had his eyes fixed on Alec’s cock with an expression that made Alec blush. He looked hungry. 

“Jace?” Alec asked. Rather than answer, Jace pushed Alec back onto the bed and went to Alec’s bedside table. He retrieved a bottle of lube and a condom. 

_Are we really doing this?_ Alec thought for the hundredth time during the course of their relationship. Jace didn’t seem to be questioning the situation at all, because he pressed the bottle of lube into Alec’s hand and then straddled Alec’s hips. 

Jace leaned down to Alec’s ear and exhaled slowly. “Open me up,” he whispered, then pulled back.

Alec fumbled with the cap of the bottle of lube and spread some onto his fingers. Jace leaned down and braced himself with his hands on either side of Alec’s head. Before Alec could hesitate, he reached his hand between their bodies and pressed one finger against Jace’s entrance. Jace exhaled sharply as Alec pressed inside of him. 

“Are you okay?” Alec asked. Jace nodded. 

“More,” he gasped. 

“Already?”

“Fuck, Alec, just do it.” Alec pressed a second finger in beside the first one.

“Touch me,” Jace demanded. Alec reached down with his free hand and stroked Jace’s cock a few times. Jace visibly relaxed, and Alec could feel him relaxing around his fingers. Alec continued fucking Jace with two fingers and stroking him as Jace fell apart above him. Jace’s arms trembled as he struggled to hold himself up, and his breath decreased in steadiness until he was gasping and moaning Alec’s name. 

“More,” Jace moaned again, and Alec carefully pressed in another finger. Alec had fingered Jace before, but he was still cautious and moved slowly in case anything hurt Jace. He worked Jace open with three fingers for a little while longer before Jace told him to stop. By then, Alec’s cock was painfully hard, and he kept imagining pushing his cock into the same warm tightness that was around his fingers.

“Are you all right?” Alec asked. He took his hand from Jace’s cock and slowly removed his fingers. 

“Yeah,” Jace panted. He took a moment to collect himself before speaking again. “I just didn’t want to come before you got your cock inside me.” 

Alec suppressed a groan. He wasn’t sure if he’d ever be able to hear Jace talk about his cock without getting inordinately turned on. 

“Alec? Are you ready?” Jace asked.

Alec nodded, and Jace sat back and took the condom from where he had dropped it on the sheets. He unwrapped it and slowly slid it onto Alec’s cock, taking the time to linger and feel him. Alec’s hips twitched involuntarily and Jace gave a few teasing strokes before reaching for the bottle of lube and pouring some out onto his hand. He stroked Alec again to spread the lube and Alec closed his eyes. Alec opened them again when Jace stopped, and saw Jace positioning himself over Alec’s cock. 

“Go slow,” Alec warned. He was afraid that if he didn’t, Jace would attempt this like he attempted just about everything else: by going very quickly and therefore risking injury. 

“I’m tough, Alec, I can take it,” Jace scoffed, which was exactly the response Alec had expected. Alec was about to retort, but before he could Jace was guiding Alec’s cock to his entrance and sinking down over the tip. 

Jace closed his eyes and opened his mouth in an O. Alec would have shut his eyes as well, but the sight of Jace taking his cock, turned gold with the light from the window, made him keep them open as he watched rapturously. Jace’s cock was fully hard and leaking precome down its length, and Alec reached out and stroked it slowly. Heat was building in his own groin as Jace steadily sank down. 

“Alec oh god holy fuck _Alec_ ,” Jace babbled as he lowered himself over half the length of Alec’s cock and then stopped. He waited there, breathing hard, for a moment before continuing. Alec, for his part, was completely at a loss for words. It was taking all of his energy to keep his hips still as Jace came to the base of Alec’s cock and then stopped. 

“Are you okay?” He managed. “Does it hurt?” 

“Fine,” Jace gasped out. “A little, but it’s good.” 

Jace stayed still for a moment, adjusting, and then began to slide off Alec’s cock. He moved slowly, but Alec still groaned in surprise as he pushed back down. Alec dropped his hand from Jace’s cock and grabbed at his hips with both hands instead. It gave him a grounding point in the rushes of pleasure that came every time Jace lowered back down onto his cock. He could see sweat beading on Jace’s chest, and Jace’s hair fell over his forehead. He looked beautiful and wrecked. 

“Want to fuck you, Jace,” Alec gasped out. 

“Yeah,” Jace agreed in a strained voice. He raised himself up on his knees until Alec’s cock was out of him and then dropped down onto the bed beside Alec. Alec moved so he was kneeling between Jace’s legs. Alec gently guided Jace to bend his knees, and then lined up his cock with Jace’s entrance. Alec pushed in slowly as Jace trembled beneath him. 

“Faster,” Jace demanded. Alec picked up his pace pushing in until he was fully inside Jace. He waited for a moment until Jace told him it was okay to move, and then he began to carefully pull his hips back. He thrusted forward and Jace moaned needily.

“Just....please, fuck me,” Jace begged. “Harder.” 

Alec was about to comply, because nothing sounded better than fucking into Jace as hard and as fast as he wanted to, but instead he leaned down and whispered in Jace’s ear.

“Say my name,” he said. “Beg.”

“ _Alec,_ please, I need it,” Jace groaned. He tangled his fingers in Alec’s hair and tugged insistently. 

“Say it again,” Alec said. 

“Alec, come on, just fuck me, I want you so bad, Alec,” Jace said. 

Alec decided he had had enough of self-control, so he pulled back and thrust hard into Jace. Jace squirmed beneath him and let go of Alec’s hair to take hold of his cock. He stroked himself erratically as Alec set a quick pace. 

Jace’s body went rigid as Alec was pulling out of him and he came abruptly onto his stomach. Alec stopped where he was.

“Keep going, I want you to come,” Jace panted. Alec didn’t need any more encouragement; he slid back into Jace and continued fucking him until he came just a minute later. Alec pulled out and then let himself relax against Jace’s body. They’d have to clean up, but for the moment they just laid there, breathing hard, Alec enjoying the warmth of Jace’s body beneath him and the warmth of the sun on his back. 

Alec eventually stood up went to the bathroom to throw away the condom. He brought back a wet washcloth and gently cleaned the come from Jace’s belly. Once that was done, Alec collapsed on the bed beside Jace. Jace scooted up close to Alec’s chest and exhaled deeply. 

“So that happened,” Jace prompted. 

Alec couldn’t help but laugh. “Yeah, it really did.” He lifted up a hand and began combing his fingers through Jace’s messy hair, pushing it back from Jace’s forehead. 

“I don’t regret it, Alec,” Jace murmured. “I’m glad it was with you.”

“Yeah, I’m glad it was with you, too,” Alec said. They remained silent, then, and soon Alec could hear Jace’s breathing slow as he fell asleep against Alec’s chest. Alec didn’t let himself drift off--someone had to make sure they didn’t spend what was left of the afternoon in bed--instead he studied Jace’s body not with his eyes but with his fingers. He dropped a hand over Jace’s side and began tracing the rune scars on his back. On Jace’s shoulder blade, he felt the rune for courage in combat, which was the first rune Alec had ever drawn on Jace. 

Alec thought of the way that the runes were burned so viciously into their skin, and he was glad he had these gentle moments with Jace, on his bed in the sunlight while Jace slept against him.


End file.
